Us against the world
by Jens the Homo
Summary: Akashi spends time locked up in his room, looking at the boy who lives across the street. The two have a lot in common, it seems, but will they ever get to meet?
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings: **Hinted AkaKuro, AU.

* * *

The boy's there again, standing in his room and staring out the window with empty eyes. He's always there, in the exact same spot, with that lifeless expression.

Akashi has no idea of the boy's name, but the paleness of his skin, blankness of his stare and lack of presence have earned him the nickname Ghost boy in the redhead's mind.

Ghost boy's crying again today.

_Don't cry._

Akashi wants to help, but he can't go out. His parents forbid him from doing that. His therapist keeps telling him to try and persuade his parents to let him leave his room freely, not just for school, because it's not healthy to be cooped up like that. Honestly, Akashi couldn't care less. When he's in his room, he can see Ghost boy from his window, and that's enough to make him happy.

It seems Ghost boy's stuck in his room as well. Sometimes Akashi catches a glimpse of a woman shoving the boy in and then slamming the door shut behind him. Ghost boy always runs to the door and bangs on it, probably begging the woman to open it, but after a while he gives up and turns so he can stare out of the window.

Akashi knows his own room is just as much of a prison as Ghost boy's. Akashi's mother also locks the door, even if his parents never have to shove him in, but he doesn't even try to open it. He doesn't want to get out, because that would mean joining his parents in the living room and having to listen to their endless nagging of how he's their only son and heir and he has to live up to the family's name and blahblahblah.

Really, he enjoys the silence of his room. He's having plenty of fun in there, even if it is void of all objects he could hurt himself with. That means it doesn't have anything besides a bed and a wardrobe in it (the wardrobe doesn't even have a mirror because it could be broken and the shards used as blades). He even has to do his homework under someone's supervision, mostly a servant's, so he can't stab himself with a pen or something.

He thinks his parents are overreacting, but they say they're doing it for his safety.

So he wouldn't 'get any funny ideas again'.

Akashi chuckles to himself a bit. If he really wanted, he could find a way to harm himself, no matter what his parents do to keep him safe.

But he doesn't want to.

Instead he settles for being locked up in his room day after day. It's not like he would have anything to do outside the safety of those four familiar walls anyway.

* * *

Sometimes Ghost boy is really hard to detect, even if he's standing right in the same spot as all the previous days. Akashi has no idea how he does that, but it's one of the daily sources of entertainment for him when he waits for it to be late enough to go to bed.

_Wouldn't it be fun if I learned to do that, and then I'd break the window and make it look like I jumped out even though I'm still in the room?_ Yes, Akashi's parents would totally fall for a trick like that. After all, it wouldn't be the first time Akashi's done something what his parents call 'inappropriate' to himself.

The train of thought dies when Akashi finally spots Ghost boy. The teal-haired boy is sitting on the window sill with a messy hair and no tears streaming down his cheeks. _That's good,_ Akashi muses, _it's been so long since he last didn't cry. Maybe things are getting better for him?_

_Definitely not,_ Akashi realises just seconds later, when the boy across the street stands up, opens the window and –

"Don't jump!"

Ghost boy probably can't hear him over the noise of the traffic, but Akashi still shouts through the small crack of the window (which for safety reasons doesn't open more). He hopes he could do something, but he doesn't even have a phone so he could call the police or ambulance or whatever it is you call in situations like this.

"Please don't jump!"

_(What a hypocrite you are, Seijuurou.)_

Ghost boy looks up then, as if he'd heard something, and for a fleeting moment Akashi could swear the other boy's eyes are on him, burning a hole into his soul.

Then the bluenette pulls back and closes the window. Akashi breathes in relief.

_You and I have so much in common. If we ever met, I'm sure we'd become friends._

Akashi closes the window.

_Hope for the future…_

* * *

**A/N: **I wasn't going to start writing anything new, but this plot bunny nearly ate me alive so I had to get it out. It's my first AkaKuro story so please don't kill me if it's not good ;u;

Reviews are appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings:** Hinted AkaKuro.

* * *

It's strange how often the redhead across the street is home and stares out the window at the same time as Kuroko.

It doesn't look like his parents are forcing him to stay in, though; in fact Kuroko doesn't even know if the other has parents living with him at all. He's just always there, staring out absentmindedly.

Kuroko would love to know more about the boy, but how could that ever happen? When his father is home, he gets to go out and do whatever he wants, but there's no guarantee that the redhead would be away from his house at the same time as Kuroko. And when his father isn't home, Kuroko is confined to his room with no exceptions.

Right now, Kuroko's alone with his stepmother. The woman hates Kuroko more than anything, which is why she locks him up in his room whenever she gets the chance. Which happens often, as Kuroko's father is away from home most of the time. Work is work, and Kuroko really appreciates that his father does his best to ensure his son's education, but there are times the boy wishes his father was home more.

It's not like he can help not being his stepmother's son (the main reason she hates him so). He can't really do much about hearing things no one else can hear either, or seeing dreams that make him wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying.

He really can't help being fucked in the head, as his stepmother says, so why does she have to make it worse by locking his door, thus forcing him to be alone with his thoughts?

On the rare occasions his father is home, Kuroko gets to go out. He always hangs out with his classmates after school when he can, or goes to some fast food restaurant to buy his favourite milkshake (vanilla flavour), or just stays at the school library until it closes.

Anything so that he wouldn't have to face his stepmother again for as long as possible.

On the other hand, ever since he noticed the redheaded teenager across the street, being confined in the safety of his room hasn't seemed so obnoxious after all.

* * *

It's a secret, but Kuroko thinks he might have a crush on a classmate. The classmate is someone Kuroko almost considers a friend; almost, because he can't really develop real friendships with other people due to being stuck in his room so much.

The reason his crush is a secret is because the object of his feelings is a guy. He's pretty sure the friend is straight and even if he wasn't, Kuroko wouldn't want to risk their almost friendship for the sake of confessing.

Or that's what he tells himself; in reality he would probably take his chances and confess right away if the guy showed even a little interest in guys.

Fate is cruel, though, as it turns out that Kuroko ends up being the first one to hear that his crush is actually dating someone. _A guy_ from another school. But it's a secret, the guy tells him and blushes. Kuroko remains expressionless, as usual, but really all he wants to do is cry and scream and bang his head against a wall.

So his life is nothing but shitty things happening one after another, and Kuroko is so tired of it all. He takes his meds like a good boy should, at least he won't hear the voices if he does that, and stays in his room whenever it's just him and his stepmother at home, but he's so tired of it all.

So tired of crying to no end every bloody day. So tired of his stepmother yelling at him, calling him worthless, a waste of skin, whatever, whenever. So tired of his life never changing.

* * *

His stepmother pushes him into the room once again, and Kuroko runs to the door. He bangs on it, and begs for her to open the door, he'll do anything, he'll go out, stay at a friend's, he just wants out. All she wants is to not see him around the house, so it should be okay for him to go out, right?

She listens for a moment, and then tells him to shut up and stop causing problems. There's no way she'll let him go, he's crazy after all, hearing voices in his head; as if anyone would even want him around. He just has to be a good boy and keep quiet. What will the neighbours think, hearing all that yelling and banging!

Kuroko flops to the floor like an emptied balloon. His mind is a chaos; he's forgot to take his pills today, so the voices are coming back, telling him all kinds of things, things he does not want to hear.

After a while he gets up, a bit shakily, but his legs support him to the window sill. He sits there and stares out.

_No one would notice if I disappeared._

The redhead's home. Kuroko sees a flash of bright red before his brain registers the rest of the boy, and a faint smile tugs at his lips.

_He's there. He hasn't left me yet, right? _

_Maybe he would miss me if I died?_

As if. It's not like Kuroko's even sure if the other boy has been looking at him and not something else, let alone talked to him; why would he miss a complete stranger?

* * *

Kuroko doesn't want to sleep because the dreams he has are scary. Instead he wanders around his room, practicing the skill of practically making himself invisible; he calls it misdirection.

When he stays up for too many nights in a row, he gets massive nose bleeds and usually ends up passing out at school. He's even been prescribed sleeping pills because the school nurse suspects insomnia.

The thing is, Kuroko could sleep just fine if he wanted. He just forces himself to stay up to rescue himself from the horrible nightmares he usually has the moment he shuts his eyes.

That's another thing on his list of reasons for why he doesn't really want to live anymore.

The last straw for Kuroko is when he meets his crush's boyfriend. He really has no way of competing against that tall, slim body and the dazzling smile the boy flashes him when Kuroko's unsuspecting crush introduces them to each other.

Outside, Kuroko appears as unfazed as ever, but the truth is he can't take it. He runs home, and for once he's glad his stepmother doesn't care about him. He really couldn't bear to answer any questions regarding his school day or why he's crying right now.

But isn't it pointless to cry? Nothing's ever changed because of his tears, and if he's going to die, he might as well stop crying for the last few minutes of his life.

So he flops down on the window sill, and swallows his tears. Once he's sure he's regained his composure, he gets up and opens the window.

The wind feels refreshing against his skin, and for a moment he just stands there and enjoys the breeze.

Then his eyes happen upon the redhead across the street.

_Well, I guess I'll never know whether you will miss me or not. It's a shame, really. I have a feeling we might've liked each other if we'd met._

It feels like it's been hours, maybe even days since Kuroko opened the window, and he almost regrets his decision.

But no, what does he have to live for? Nothing's ever going to change, he's always going to be the boy with the voices in his head, the invisible boy, the one whose stepmother hates him with passion.

The one who has a hopeless crush on someone taken. And might also be falling in love with a guy he's never even talked to.

Kuroko blames the red hair; he's always found redheads attractive.

Kuroko climbs on the window sill and glances down. The cars and the people on the street look so small from above, it's as if he could crush them with his bare hands.

"Please don't jump!"

Maybe it's his imagination, maybe he really doesn't want to die after all, but Kuroko's pretty sure he hears someone shouting, asking him not to jump. He raises his head, and sees the redhead leaning against his window on the other side of the street. The window's open, only a crack, though, but still.

"Was it you? Did you ask me not to jump?" Kuroko knows the other boy can't hear him, but that's okay. Body language tells him all he needs to know; the redhead's whole body is tense and only when Kuroko pulls away from his window and closes it does the other boy do the same.

"You really care, right? You would miss me if I died?"

He can't hear you.

_I know. But it's better if he doesn't._

How so?

_If he could hear me, he might say he wouldn't really miss me since we don't even know each other. As long as we never speak, I can tell myself that he prevented me from jumping because it was me, not because that's the done thing in a situation like that._

What do you think he would say if he ever found out you hear voices and talk to yourself? Do you think he'd still be glad he stopped you from jumping?

…_.please be quiet now._

* * *

**A/N: **Okay first of all I want to say that I did not expect this to become so popular? I mean the first chapter was pretty much just word vomit that I had to get out, and this chapter isn't the best either, but I'm of course happy if you like it. Just saying that it isn't necessarily my best work. :D

The rating will most likely go up in the future, or at least if the story progresses the way I want it to (which rarely happens, but I'll do my best!). So stay tuned for… idek what exactly yet, but I'd really like to include some level of smut. Oh and there's probably going to be angst as well. (sorry, but I happen to really like angst x_x)

Reviews, favourites and follows are welcome, as always!


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings:** Hinted AkaKuro, possible OOC'ness.

* * *

It's one of those mornings Akashi wishes would never come. Getting up from bed seems like an overly demanding task, and what's the point anyway? It's just going to be another day exactly the same as all the previous ones.

But he has to get up because he can hear his parents calling for him. Whatever it is, Akashi doubts he wants to hear it; his parents don't ever talk about anything that would interest him.

This time is no exception.

He should've seen it coming, really. Of course his parents would want to choose his lover since they control every other aspect of his life already.

That being said, Akashi doesn't know why he's surprised when he finds his parents waiting for him with a pink haired girl whom they introduce as his fiancée. Right, of course. They've never mentioned her before and suddenly she's engaged to Akashi. Very logical, happens every day.

Or then not.

"Excuse me? How come I haven't heard of anything about this earlier?"

The smile on the girl's face falters, and Akashi's parents freeze.

_Oh. They actually expected me to not say anything? _Akashi smirks. How naïve his dear father and mother can be.

"I'm very sorry, Momoi-san, was it?" The girl (_my fiancée, _Akashi thinks and cringes because ugh, it just sounds so wrong) nods, blushing faintly.

She's clearly confused by Akashi's unawareness of the whole engagement, probably embarrassed as well, and frankly Akashi enjoys seeing her discomfort. After all, he feels extremely confused and he'd hate to be the only one.

But well.

It's not her fault that Akashi's parents decided not to tell him anything before this, is it?

"You see, it seems my parents haven't discussed this engagement with me at all, and so I'm a bit troubled by this rather unexpected meeting. But we could go out for a walk, for example, get to know each other and discuss… things."

What Akashi really means is that he's going to tell Momoi to fuck off (maybe not in those exact words but the point is the same) after which he'll have a long, nice (not) talk with his parents. Because if there's one thing Akashi will never agree to, it's an arranged marriage.

* * *

Ghost boy is in his room when Akashi gets back from his walk with Momoi. She's turned out to be a nice enough girl, but Akashi still tells his parents he won't take her as her fiancée. They protest, of course, but Akashi is already halfway to his room and refuses to listen.

It's soothing to spot Ghost boy in his room across the street. They've never talked and Akashi doesn't even know the name of the other boy, but somehow he feels a connection between them. After all Ghost boy's still alive only thanks to Akashi.

Or not. It could be that Ghost boy just changed his mind about wanting to die. But the redhead would like to believe that Ghost boy listened to him. He desperately needs to have control over someone or something in order not to go crazy, so he thinks of Ghost boy's survival as his achievement.

Akashi clears his throat and fixes his eyes on the pale boy.

"How are you today? Is anything getting better for you?"

Ghost boy leaves his spot by the window and moves to his bed.

"My parents introduced me to a girl today. Can you believe they actually had the nerve to call her my fiancée even though I'd never met or even heard of her before?"

The boy across the street throws himself on the bed and stays there, motionless.

"I'm not going to accept this marriage, though, even if she turned out to be quite… okay."

Akashi really wants to hear Ghost boy's reply to him, he wants to hear the other boy's voice, not keep up this one-sided conversation. But how could that ever happen?

"…please don't die before we've properly met and talked."

_(Please be there for me.)_

* * *

Once a week, Akashi has an appointment with a therapist. His parents feel better, knowing their son is getting professional help, and Akashi gets to talk about things that bother him.

About the things that have made him try to commit suicide.

Three times.

Or that's what he's supposed to talk about, at least. He never does, because the real reason lies in his family and all the expectations his parents are loading on his shoulders. Talking about how much he hates being the only son and thus the heir of one of Japan's richest families isn't going to change the fact that he has no freedom to choose his career or friends or hobbies or anything.

Complete lack of freedom over his life is what bothers him.

Akashi is suffocated, like a caged bird.

The only freedom he has is choosing how and when to die. Because he hates not being in control of his own life, he's decided to use what little freedom of choice he has.

Hence the three suicide attempts.

On his first attempt he tries to run in front of a car. That happens when he's thirteen. It only fails because a passer-by pulls him to safety at the last moment.

The second time he uses pills. After trying to get hit by a car, Akashi is prescribed a few different kinds of pills, supposedly to help him feel better and make him stop wanting to die. He doesn't take them, though, instead hiding them in his room until he has enough for a lethal overdose. He's fourteen, and his parents find him before it's too late.

After that Akashi is guarded way better to ensure his survival. A chauffeur drives him to and from school every day, and his room is stripped of all objects that he could use to hurt himself with.

That doesn't stop him from trying, though. It's very easy to, say, borrow a pair of scissors from a friend at school and drag the blades across his arm, leaving long, deep scars and trails of blood on his pale skin.

His parents freak out when they spot the scars. They tell him that he's not allowed to stay at school for any extracurricular activities, and Akashi's freedom is limited by one more step.

It's his own damn fault, no matter how he looks at it, and yet he doesn't regret a single thing. He enjoys shocking his parents, showing them he still has the power to do things they most definitely don't want him to do. So he keeps using whatever chance he gets to hurt himself.

What he really wants, however, is absolute freedom and that's why he tries to kill himself for a third time just a few days before his sixteenth birthday.

The third attempt is by far the messiest but it's also the closest Akashi has ever got to succeeding. That's why he doesn't like to think about it, let alone talk about it. The disappointment he felt upon waking up in a hospital and realising he was still alive is still too fresh in his mind.

Now Akashi's almost seventeen and despite his best efforts, he's still alive. Though he's not sure if what he's doing can even be called living – truthfully, it feels more like merely existing.

Even if seeing Ghost boy has made his life feel a little bit more worth living.

There are so many things Akashi could say to his therapist, and he knows he should share his sentiments with her, but he's not too sure the woman would understand.

He's not too sure anyone would understand.

Except maybe Ghost boy, which is why Akashi's so eager to meet him. The question is how.

* * *

Every time Akashi gets lost in thought, he finds himself running his fingers over the scars that mark his skin as a reminder of his third and to date last suicide attempt. There's something very calming in the way the scars stain his otherwise perfectly smooth skin. Usually, he can pass hours just feeling the scars and staring out the window.

But right now, Akashi can't concentrate. Something's missing, and it takes him a while to realise what it is.

Ghost boy isn't home.

Could he be playing invisible again? No, usually Akashi can spot him after a while even if he is. This time Ghost boy just really isn't in his room.

A sudden wave of panic washes over Akashi. _What if Ghost boy's dead? What if he jumped down when I was at school and now he's go__ne forever?_

He opens the window, trying to see better, hoping that Ghost boy would pop up from somewhere suddenly. And he does - but not in his room. Instead, Akashi spots the bluenette walking down the street with a cup in his hand.

_He gets to go out? How nice. _

Akashi doesn't know what he's doing but before he has a chance to think it through, he's already taking off his tie and throwing it out the window.

…_now wasn't that smart? What will I say to my parents?_

The tie lands a few metres in front of Ghost boy, surprising him. He picks up the piece of clothing and glances around himself. Then his eyes slowly start examining the building in which Akashi lives, and the redhead holds his breath.

First, second, third floor. _Come on, I'm here, the sixth fl__oor, same as yours._

After what feels like an eternity (in reality it's only a couple of seconds) Ghost boy's eyes reach Akashi's window. A pleasant shiver runs through the latter's body.

Finally, they have a reason to meet.

Akashi gestures towards the tie in Ghost boy's hand, then at himself. The other boy seems to get the message and starts towards the door.

But wait. First of all, how will Ghost boy get into the house? There's no guarantee anyone will be entering or leaving the building around the same time, and the boy doesn't know which flat is Akashi's so he can't use the door buzzer either. And even if Ghost boy manages to get into the house, Akashi can't leave his room, can he? If Ghost boy rings the doorbell, a servant will go answer it. No, this requires some slyness.

Luckily Akashi's always been good at making plans.

The maid totally buys the story of Akashi's friend coming over for a study session. Lying will get Akashi in trouble with his parents, but that will happen later and he can think of how to deal with it when the time comes. They're not at home right now so it really isn't the first thing on the redhead's mind.

The thing occupying his mind is that he's finally going to meet Ghost boy, talk to him, hear his voice.

_Why am I acting so nervous, like a school girl in love? Calm down Seijuurou, you can handle this._

The doorbell rings and Akashi jumps a little in surprise, despite his efforts to calm himself. The maid has been nice enough to open the door and for once Akashi gets to leave his room after school hours.

A small voice at the back of Akashi's head reminds him that it's only due to the gullibility of the maid and his skills as a liar, but who cares, it's freedom.

He hurries to the entrance right behind the maid and damn, his heart's going to burst out of his chest with the way it's beating right now.

The maid opens the door. Ghost boy stands there, as expressionless as ever, and offers a little bow to the maid. She turns to Akashi to ask if this is the friend he's been waiting for.

Akashi nods. His eyes are glued to the rather nervous-looking Ghost boy.

"Welcome to my humble abode."

* * *

**A/N:** Woohoo, a fast(ish) update! \(^o^)/

Sometimes I really struggle to find the words in English and this chapter had a lot of those moments. So if you spot any weird sounding sentences, feel free to let me know. I'm not a native English speaker and since I beta my stories myself, there are bound to be a few mistakes.

Again, thanks for reviewing/favouriting/following! From now on I'll try to make the chapters even better so I won't feel bad about making you read half-assed work. :D

Also, this story was actually inspired by a song, but I pretty much used all the material the song provided me with in the first two chapters so from now on I have no idea what will happen. But there will be angst as well as lemon because I really want to include those. Anyways, end of rant; feel free to show your appreciation if you like the story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Warnings:** Hinted AkaKuro, possible OOCness. Multi POV.

* * *

'A day that started like all the other ones and halfway through became something completely unexpected and new' is how Kuroko would describe the day he's having right now.

He went to school in the morning, took his pills, somehow survived another hard day, thinking only of how wonderful it is that his father's home for a week. A whole week of freedom is a rarity, and Kuroko intends to enjoy it to the fullest.

But then comes the unexpected part, in the form of a tie falling in front of him while he's walking home with a cup of his favourite milk shake in hand.

He doesn't know what to think. It's a tie, and it's there, right in front of him, as if waiting to be picked up. Kuroko approaches it carefully and glances around himself. There's no one there.

Which means the tie fell from a window.

And wait. Isn't this the house in which the redhead lives? Kuroko glances across the street and yes, it is his own building that stands there. Upon realising that, his heart decides to freak out and start beating so fast he's sure he'll die.

_It isn't necessarily his,_ he tells himself but his heart refuses to hear it and goes on beating crazily. He doesn't want to hope because surely he'll only end up being disappointed, but it would be too much of a coincidence if the tie had fallen from someone else's window, right?

His eyes examine the building, scared of reaching the sixth in which he knows the redhead lives. He's tired of being disappointed, it would be so nice to be right for once –

He's there. There's no mistaking that bright red hair.

The world seems to freeze with Kuroko.

He doesn't have the slightest clue what he's supposed to do now. He just keeps standing there with the tie in hand and hopes the redhead will do something to make the world start moving again.

And the redhead does. He points to the piece of clothing in Kuroko's hand and then at himself, and for real Kuroko's probably having a heart attack because he can't even breathe properly anymore with how hard his heart's beating.

Before he has a chance to retreat, Kuroko walks to the door of the building, determined to just get in and get it over with – _it's okay, he just dr__opped it by accident, it doesn't mean he wanted to talk to me or anything _– but of course thing can't go that smoothly, right? Otherwise it wouldn't be happening.

The door is locked, obviously, and there's a buzzer with a bunch of names with the numbers of their respective apartments.

Well.

Kuroko stands there, feeling a bit stupid. Why did he think he could just march in, give the redhead back his tie, and walk right out?

As he's ponders over what he should do, there's a buzzing sound which means… Kuroko extends a hesitant hand and pulls at the door. It opens.

_Take a deep breath and just get it done,_ Kuroko tells himself before he walks into a large entrance hall that looks like it belongs to a hotel, not a block of flats. It's wide, there are plenty of plants everywhere and light streams into the room from the wall length window that opens to a very beautiful (and shockingly large) Japanese style back yard. The only thing that tells Kuroko that it's indeed a block of flats and not a hotel is the lack of a reception desk.

_Impressive,_ Kuroko muses as he makes his way to the lift. The building in which he lives is nothing to be ashamed of either, this part of town is considered high class after all, but this one is like from another world.

_The people who live here m__ust be really rich._ That thought makes him even more nervous than before; he notices his hand is shaking when he presses the button for the sixth floor.

_(Calm down, you're going to be fine. Calm down.)_

There are three doors on the sixth floor, and Kuroko pauses. He still doesn't know the name of the person he's going to visit and that being said, he has no idea which door to choose. He regards all three doors and tries to rationalise. Okay, so the flat has a window to the street, so it should be the one to the right of the lift.

And if he's wrong, he can always apologise for making a mistake and try another door.

The name on the door reads Akashi. Or at least Kuroko assumes (and hopes) that's how the kanji are read; it'd be embarrassing if he was wrong.

His hand is still shaking when he rings the doorbell. Telling himself to calm down isn't evidently very effective, yet he still keeps repeating it in his head like a mantra as he listens to steps approaching the door.

_Calm down. Calm down. Calm down._

A maid opens the door. A maid. Kuroko doesn't quite know what to say to that – of course he'd expected the Akashi family to be wealthy and all, but having a maid is just… a bit too much.

"Welcome to my humble abode," the redhead says after the maid has asked him if Kuroko's the one he's been waiting for. Before he has a chance to just give the tie back to its owner and leave, Kuroko finds himself removing his shoes to follow his host deeper into the spacious flat.

Calm as he may appear, everything's extremely nerve wrecking to him. Following the redhead into his room, sitting down on the bed, just being near the other boy. Kuroko doesn't know which way to look and ends up staring at the floor. It feels like a dream. Most likely it is a dream – how could it be happening?

He's scared of looking at the other boy. It'll all end if he does; he'll just wake up in his own bed and feel stupid for even dreaming of something like this happening. In order to not seem rude for not looking at the redhead he chances a look around the room.

The other boy threw the tie on purpose, that much is certain. Kuroko only needs to take one glance at the window to see there's no way anything could fall out of it by accident.

_What if he dropped the tie so I'd have a reason to come here?_ And no, he shouldn't wish for that but his heart goes crazy again at the mere prospect of someone actually wanting to spend time with him. He wants to confirm his suspicions… but he can't find the words.

So Kuroko's never been good at talking, sue him. Even so, the silence stretching between him and the redhead is making him anxious enough to want to just get up and leave. Of course it would be nice to say something to break the ice but his mind is void of all coherent thoughts.

"Akashi Seijuurou." Kuroko looks up, startled. The other boy raises an eye brow.

"My name." Oh, right.

"Kuroko Tetsuya," Kuroko says and bows a little. It comes out a bit funny though because he's still seated. The redhead, no, Akashi, stifles a chuckle.

"You don't need to be so formal and polite with me." Akashi smiles. "By the way, is it all right for me to call you Tetsuya? I told the maid you were my classmate Takahashi so it'd be weird if I called you Kuroko all of a sudden."

Kuroko doesn't know which way to look. They just started talking and now they're on a first name basis? He tries to look at anything but Akashi but there isn't much to choose from. The door of the wardrobe, the sheet of the bed or the plain, white walls which remind Kuroko of a mental institute.

_(Why doesn't he have anything in his room?)_

His eyes start inspecting Akashi next, never meeting the redhead's intense gaze though.

The school uniform looks good on him, and his skin is really pale. Going up, there's the tieless collar and…

"…Akashi-kun." It's out of the question for Kuroko to address the other by his first name when it's the first time they've ever spoken to each other.

"Is something wrong?"

Akashi's voice is so smooth and beautiful, it sends shivers of pleasure down Kuroko's spine.

"Is that… a scar on your neck?"

Akashi's shifts a little and raises a hand to his neck. His expression is unreadable, which makes Kuroko increasingly nervous as the silence drags on.

_Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe it's something he doesn't want to talk about._

"I'd rather not talk about it now," Akashi says and drops his hand to his side. Kuroko knows it's rude to stare but – people don't usually have scars on their necks, do they? Or maybe they do if they've had some kind of surgery but the scar on Akashi's neck doesn't look like it's made by a surgeon. It's not even and clean; rather it looks like someone's tried to slit his neck open.

"…if you really want to know, I can tell you. But I'd rather not." Akashi's voice is still pleasant and friendly but somehow Kuroko can feel a change in the atmosphere of the room. Suddenly the other boy's body is stiff and defensive, as if Kuroko had just attacked him.

That's not the kind of situation Kuroko wants so he decides to back out.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, moving his attention to the floor again.

Akashi sighs. "…so. You haven't tried to kill yourself after that time?"

Oh wow. Not an awkward way to start a conversation or anything. Kuroko turns his head to look out the window and sees right into his own room. It feels really weird to look at it from this perspective.

"I haven't. And I'm glad… I'm glad that you prevented me from jumping back then." Kuroko finally manages to look straight at Akashi. The other boy looks surprised for a moment but he composes himself quickly and smiles.

"I am too, Tetsuya. After all we wouldn't have had a chance to talk if I had let you die that day."

Being called by his first name so soon after their first official meeting makes Kuroko squirm uncomfortably, yet he finds himself blushing at the same time. And ah, didn't he just get a confirmation that the redhead had indeed called him out and asked him not to jump? He really shouldn't get excited over that but his heart starts once again pounding as if it's trying to get out of his chest.

Akashi walks over to the bed and sits next to Kuroko, making the bluenette startle. For a while they just sit there, motionless, and enjoy the feeling of being close to one another. Then Akashi extends a hand and grabs Kuroko's chin.

"A-Akashi-kun…?"

"You have pretty eyes."

Kuroko assumes his face must the about the shade of a tomato by now if the burning in his cheeks is anything to go by. He can feel Akashi's intense gaze on him, the other's breath is tingling his cheek – Kuroko hesitantly meets Akashi's eyes and notes that the right eye is the same flaming red as his hair, while the left one's golden. Despite being mismatched, they're mesmerizingly beautiful.

(Or maybe it's exactly because they don't match that they are so beautiful.)

And maybe that's why Kuroko forgets for a moment that he isn't dreaming, that he's actually sitting right next to the redhead on his bed and feeling his breath tickle his face. He completely forgets it's not just his imagination and leans in to softly press his lips to Akashi's.

The world freezes again for a fleeting moment. It's the first time Kuroko has ever kissed anyone and it feels nice, even if Akashi doesn't respond in any way.

Oh what a wonderful dream it is – until he remembers it's _not _a dream.

It's not a dream and he just kissed a person on their first meeting.

Incoherent apologies fall out of his mouth as he scrambles to his feet and flees the room as fast as he can. He runs to the entrance, grabs his shoes and is already out the door when he hears Akashi calling his name.

"Tetsuya, wait!"

And damn, he wants to wait. He wants to stop right there and just wait until Akashi tells him it's all right, that's he doesn't mind the kiss, that he might even be a little happy about it.

But his feet don't listen to him; they keep moving, and he runs into the lift (what luck that it happened to be in the right floor) and shakily presses the button to close the doors. He feels like he might shatter into pieces any moment because _why_ did he ever come here if he was only going to ruin everything?

Only when the lift starts moving, carrying Kuroko back down, does the bluenette break down. His legs give way under him and he slumps to the floor as violent sobs make his whole body shudder.

_If I really survived just to throw away my chances of ever befriending Akashi-kun by kissing him, I'd rather have died. _

…_what will I do now?_

* * *

**A/N: **Hello again! I suck at regular updates but please bear with me. (_ _)

Ehm. I literally have no idea what is going to happen between the two of them from now on. Maybe I'll try to find another song to be inspired by… any suggestions? :D (Btw the song that originally inspired me is Älä itke Baby Jane by Leevi and the Leavings. And yes, I'm a horrible person for always being inspired by songs that are not in English :s)

Ok this chapter wasn't as interesting to write as the previous ones and so I kinda lost motivation at times. Hopefully there's not too much OOCness going on…? I also had a slight case of writer's block while working on this chapter so yahh, it's somewhat crappy and written in pieces so the flow might suffer. Gomen everyone I fail again. OTL

Anyhow, I hope you like it even a little. ;u;


	5. Chapter 5

**Warnings:** Hinted AkaKuro, possible OOCness.

* * *

After their confusing first meeting, Akashi has no idea how to approach Ghost boy – no wait, Tetsuya – again. Not only because his parents totally flip out after finding out he's had a friend over without their permission and tell him he's never allowed to have guests again but also because – well, honestly he doesn't even know how he could get another chance to talk to Tetsuya. The first time was something of a coincidence after all.

And then there's the matter of Tetsuya having kissed him the previous time.

Akashi feels at a loss for words. Even if he somehow got to talk to Tetsuya again, what should he say? Why did that kiss even happen? He has no idea, and the only person who does can't tell him.

Because after their brief meeting, Tetsuya hasn't been walking down the street so that Akashi could conveniently throw something at his feet again. He even avoids spending time at the window in his room, as if scared of seeing Akashi across the street.

_What could I even do if he looked at me though? Wave? Blow him a kiss?_

* * *

Akashi spots Tetsuya sitting on his window sill, staring down at the street. His whole body is shaking and tears stream down his cheeks. When he notices Akashi's staring, he jumps up and pulls the curtains to hide the room from Akashi's eyes.

"You don't have to be so scared, Tetsuya. It's not like I could do anything to you from here anyway," Akashi says, feeling a bit annoyed. The curtains stay closed. He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

"I'd just like to talk. I'm not going to be mad or judge you or anything like that, I just want to… talk."

Nothing happens. Akashi turns his back to the window and slowly sinks to the floor.

_(I barely know you and yet I miss you…)_

* * *

Ghost – no, Tetsuya (it's surprisingly difficult to get rid of old habits) – is sitting on his bed with headphones on when Akashi gets back from his therapy session.

The woman (his therapist; he hasn't bothered to memorise her name) seems puzzled with him – he acts so calm and normal, not at all depressed or suicidal, and yet the proof of his third suicide attempt is still clearly visible on the pale skin of his neck. She tells him to be honest with her and say anything that comes to mind, and Akashi almost starts talking because it'd probably feel good to share his burden with someone, but then something stops him. The words die in his throat and he just sits there, waiting for the hour to become full.

And now he's home again, staring at the boy across the street and talking to him although he can't hear. It's sad, really.

"Hello, Tetsuya. How are you today?"

Tetsuya's head moves up and down, probably to the rhythm of the music.

"What are you listening to?"

Suddenly Tetsuya jumps up as if hit by something, takes the headphones off and runs to the door. Akashi frowns.

"…is there something going on with your family?"

Tetsuya squeezes his hands into fists and bangs on the door. His mouth is moving but Akashi has no idea what he's saying because he can't hear.

"Just so you know, I really am not mad at you because of the kiss. I just wish we could talk again so I could tell that to you. I was surprised but not disgusted, so please… I want to talk to you again. I want us to be friends. I want to help you."

Suddenly the door opens and Tetsuya leaves his room, disappearing from Akashi's sight.

"…see you, then."

The hum of the traffic is the only response Akashi gets. For some reason he feels like crying.

* * *

After the day Akashi sees Tetsuya leave his room the bluenette rarely spends time there. The door to his room is almost always open so Akashi concludes the situation with his family has changed. Apparently they let him be free now instead of keeping him locked up. It's only good that Tetsuya doesn't have to be confined to his room anymore, and Akashi is genuinely happy for him, but he also feels sad about not seeing the other boy anymore.

It's as if he's lost a friend. Which is ridiculous. Because they've only spoken once and even then the conversation wasn't a proper one, ending very awkwardly.

But on Akashi's standards Tetsuya might as well be his friend. He doesn't have any proper ones, after all. The people his parents introduce him to are their friends' children, which means they're filthy rich and spoiled rotten more often than not. Not Akashi's type of people at all in other words.

His classmates could possibly be nicer but his parents don't approve of them, even though the school Akashi goes to is supposedly the best one in all of Japan. In a nutshell he's not allowed to make friends with the people he could like, and absolutely detests the ones he is allowed to make friends with.

Tetsuya was like an escape route from his bland and planned out life. Now even that's gone because it seems like Tetsuya isn't there for him anymore.

If things stay the way they are, Akashi might as well as die.

* * *

Akashi has got into the habit of talking whenever Tetsuya is in his room. Somehow he foolishly hopes the boy could magically start hearing him if he keeps it up long enough. It's the only way he has of connecting with Tetsuya so he's willing to look ridiculous – who knows, maybe something, anything, could happen that would help them have another conversation.

No matter how hard he tries, he knows it won't work. Because what he needs is a miracle. Still, it can't hurt to try, right?

"I've been thinking about us, Tetsuya. I've been thinking that we really could become friends if we only were free." Akashi opens the window and leans against the glass to talk through the crack. "Just imagine a different life for the both of us. What if we for example went to the same school?"

Tetsuya is completely absorbed in the book he's reading and doesn't even budge. Akashi feels desperate to get the other's attention so he continues.

"We'd be classmates, and we'd see each other at school every day. We'd talk about the most irrelevant things, and maybe after some time my parents would trust me to go to school on the bus with you. Then we could go home together too, maybe stop by some stores on the way, and be like normal friends." Akashi can feel his eyes getting wet, and just what the hell?

Surely he's not crying?

"Wouldn't it be wonderful if I was free? We wouldn't even need to go to the same school, we could still meet on the bus every morning. And in the afternoon as well, unless either of was in a club." Akashi wipes his eyes, confused by the tears that just keep flowing. "This is so stupid. We barely know each other. And I'm still locked up here. And well, I don't know what's going on but it seems like you don't have to stay in so much anymore, so maybe you already know what it feels like to be free."

There's a distant cry of a bird. Tetsuya turns a page in his book.

"Seijuurou! Your uncle, aunt and cousins are coming over for dinner so change your clothes and come to the living room!"

_Please no, not those people._ Okay, Akashi's youngest cousin might be somewhat tolerable, but the rest of the family is insufferable. And now those holier-than-thou people are the reason he can't try to catch Tetsuya's attention on one of the rare occasions he gets a chance to do that nowadays. A splendid evening, indeed.

* * *

After the dinner Akashi's cheeks hurt from faking a smile for the entire time. He doesn't like doing it, but his parents usually reward him with something if he acts normal in front of guests. This time he's planning to ask them to let him go home on his own once a week.

Slim as the chance of his parents agreeing to his request is, he has to try.

"No." Akashi gets to the point right after the guests have left but his mother is adamant.

"Why not? It's not like taking the bus would kill me."

"I don't think you understand, Seijuurou. We're just trying to keep you safe. There's nothing wrong with your chauffeur, is there? Because if that's the reason, we'll fire him and hire someone new."

"No, that's not it. I'd just like to…" _See if I could run into Tetsuya on the way home_. "…spend time with my classmates outside school."

His parents glance at each other and sigh. "I'm sorry, but the answer's still no," his father says and Akashi wishes they would both just die. Slow, painful deaths.

"Good night," he says stiffly before exiting the living room. He can hear his parents mumbling something about him becoming more and more rebellious by the day – first having a guest without permission, now the bus thing.

Akashi slams the door to his room shut with such force that it echoes for a few minutes. It's not like he actually expected his parents to let him commute to school, but it's still frustrating. After a few unstable breaths he calms down and throws himself on the bed.

So that didn't work, now he has to improvise.

* * *

Akashi leans his cheek against the gold class of the car's window and watches his breath leave a steamy stain on it. His mind wanders as he draws a flower into the steam. He supposes his thoughts should be occupied by school just like everyone else's. After all, university entrance exams are approaching.

Only, he couldn't care less about where he's going. With his grades he could get anywhere he wanted but he just doesn't give a flying toss about choosing a university. His parents expect him to apply to Todai, of course.

Only the best for their son. Akashi scoffs and considers breaking the window to escape when the car gets stuck in the traffic lights.

_Too much trouble. It's probably unbreakable anyway._

His eyes wash over the street uninterestedly. There're so many people walking, running, riding a bike, and Akashi would give anything to be one of them.

Suddenly his eyes happen upon a flash of blue, and he blinks.

Would you look at that. It's Tetsuya, walking home with someone.

_He has friends? Or at least one. That makes him luckier than me at least in that regard, huh._

He has no time to plan so Akashi acts on instinct.

"Excuse me! I feel sick, could you please stop the car?"

The chauffeur complies. Of course, otherwise Akashi's parents would blame him for causing their son suffering. Although right now Akashi isn't really car sick at all.

Once the car stops, Akashi climbs out. The chauffeur is at his side in a few seconds, asking how he feels and how much time he needs to recover. Akashi doesn't respond. Worried, the chauffeur reaches into the car for his phone, and Akashi acts quickly. He grabs his school bag and swings it at the chauffeur's head. It connects with a sickening crunch and the man falls down, his upper body in the car and his feet sticking out.

If he had more time, Akashi would stop and think about the consequences of his action (like what if the chauffeur dies) but he only has time to push the man fully into the car, grab the keys, lock the car and run to the direction Tetsuya went to.

_The lengths I go to for your sake… you'd better appreciate this, Tetsuya._

* * *

Akashi reaches Tetsuya and his friend just in time to see them saying 'see you tomorrow' to each other. The other boy walks away and Tetsuya stares after him with a longing look.

_Oh? Maybe they're not just friends after all? _For some reason the thought makes Akashi irritable.

"Hello Tetsuya." The bluenette startles so much he drops his bag, its contents spilling out to the ground. He kneels to gather the things together and Akashi crouches down too to give him a hand.

"A-Akashi-kun. I'm sorry, you surprised me." Kuroko keeps his eyes to the ground even after he's put his things back into the bag and closed it.

"I didn't mean to." Akashi smiles. "I just really wanted to talk to you when I saw you." _So much so that I hit my chauffeur on the head to be able to run after you,_ Akashi adds in his mind. "You don't seem to be in your room much lately."

The other boy finally dares to look at him.

"I'm sorry, but… a lot's been going on." Tetsuya fumbles with the handle of his school bag.

"I see."

The short response Akashi gives him seems to make the other boy unsure of what to say next. The silence that follows is full of awkwardness.

"You're… not mad?" Tetsuya finally asks, keeping his eyes fixed on Akashi's shoes.

"About what?"

"Last time." Tetsuya blushes faintly. Akashi shakes his head.

"I was surprised as well as confused, but mad? Not really." He smiles encouragingly. "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly has been going on with you lately?"

Another awkward silence follows Akashi's question. Tetsuya shuffles his feet and Akashi keeps the smile on his face.

"My parents are… well, my father found out that…" Tetsuya clears his throat and starts again. "My parents are getting divorced because my father found out that my step-mother's been locking me into my room whenever it's just the two of us at home."

Akashi's eyes go wide. Whatever he'd expected Tetsuya to say wasn't this. For the other to be so straightforward about something as private as that – then again, Akashi already knows that Tetsuya has been confined in his room so what's the harm in telling him why?

"Why? Does she hate you?"

Tetsuya seems to hesitate whether to answer or not but does eventually. "I suppose she does. And… I… I'm not quite… she says I'm fucked in the head, which I suppose I am in a way. Not that I can help it."

"Oh?"

"I was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years ago. I hear voices and even see things and… she married my father because he's rather rich, and she likes money. So of course having a mentally ill stepson would be a disgrace."

Tetsuya pauses for a few seconds. "She can't have children of her own so at first she was kind of happy to get a son as well as a rich husband. But then… she started resenting me even before the diagnose. And it only got worse after that. I think she couldn't really love another woman's child as her own after all."

Akashi has no idea what to say to that so he stays quiet. Tetsuya glances at him before continuing.

"So when they finalise the divorce, I will be moving to Osaka with my dad. He got transferred there." He stops talking and stares at his hands with an unreadable expression.

"Moving? To Osaka?" Akashi can't process this information. _Tetsuya will be going far away?_

Not that Osaka actually is that far, it'd only take a couple of hours on the Shinkansen to get there from Tokyo, but for someone like Akashi who doesn't even get to go to the nearest convenience store it feels like Tetsuya's moving to the other side of the world.

"I'm sorry, Akashi-kun." Tetsuya's voice is quiet.

There isn't anything Tetsuya could say that would make the situation better. There isn't anything Akashi could say either, so he stays silent and tries to breathe.

If Tetsuya leaves, he might as well die. Maybe for him fourth time will be the charm?

"I have to get back home, I need to pack. We're moving at the end of the month," Kuroko adds as a way of explaining. He gets up and hoists the bag on his shoulder. "I guess this is goodbye, Akashi-kun."

A small, pained smile flashes on Tetsuya's lips before he starts walking away. And for all Akashi knows it could be the last time they ever meet. A sudden wave of panic washes through him.

_No, it won't be the last time. I won't allow that._

"Take me with you."

Tetsuya stops and turns to look at Akashi with eyes widened by surprise. "Excuse me?"

"I need a place to stay at. Please Tetsuya, you're the only one who understands."

"What do you mean you need a place to stay at? You have a home, right?"

"No. It's a prison. And besides, I'm running away from home." Before the words leave his mouth Akashi had no such plans, but as soon as he hears himself saying it he knows it's the right thing to do.

"Please." It feels so weird to actually beg but he's desperate.

Tetsuya looks confused and troubled and he keeps shifting his weight from one foot to another. The silence stretches before Tetsuya finally makes a decision.

"Okay, I will take you with me."

* * *

**A/N: **I was supposed to work on finishing another fic but then inspiration hit me and I had to write this one first. Seriously I feel sorry for all the people who follow my stories because the updates are so irregular. TAT

Btw, Todai is short Tokyo daigaku, which means Tokyo University. To my knowledge it's supposed to be Japan's best uni or sth…? Gahh gomen if I'm wrong. OTL

After this I really need to work on that other fic (I'm procrastinating because lemon isn't my strongest point) so I don't know when the next chapter will be out. But hopefully you won't kill me even if it takes a while? ;u; /gets shot


	6. Chapter 6

**Warnings:** Hinted AkaKuro, possible OOCness.

* * *

Akashi keeps glancing around himself the whole way home, as if scared of someone following him. And when Kuroko asks him, he says that's exactly what it is.

"I'm running away from home, remember? Knowing my parents, they'll turn the whole city around once they find out I'm gone." Akashi sighs and runs his fingers through his shockingly red hair. "I really don't want to get caught though, so let's just hurry and get to your house, Tetsuya."

"…okay," Kuroko mumbles and turns away to hide the blush on his cheeks. He doesn't really understand why the other can make him blush so easily but it feels nice.

It feels nice to be finally noticed and maybe even needed.

* * *

It's the first time Kuroko's ever brought a friend over so it's natural for him to feel nervous. He should probably offer the redhead something to eat, or at least serve some tea, but instead he stands awkwardly in the middle of the living room and tries to calm down.

"Are you switching schools in the middle of the year then?" Akashi catches Kuroko by surprise with the question. The bluenette shakes his head.

"It's my last year of high school and we don't have much school left anyway, so I'll just come back to Tokyo for the exams and such. My father's parents still live here so I can stay with them while I'm here."

"What about university? Are you planning to stay in Osaka?"

"I don't really know yet. My father's transfer was really sudden so I haven't really thought about what I'm going to do in Osaka." Kuroko looks at Akashi. "What about you then, Akashi-kun?"

"Me? Well, I don't really know either. If I'm really going to Osaka, I can't attend school in Tokyo, can I? And if I do, my parents will probably find me." Akashi sits on the couch and stares at the floor, lost in thought. "They want me to go to Todai after graduation, and I could get there with my grades, but…" he trails off.

"…so you're not going to go back home?"

Akashi scoffs and looks at Kuroko with an amused glint in his eyes. "If I went back after something like this, they would probably hire me a bodyguard and keep me chained to him for the rest of my life. Or at least until they die."

"…oh," is all Kuroko says to that. Then again, he doubts there are many people who know how to react to Akashi's words. It sounds like his parents are even worse than Kuroko's stepmother – and now that the woman's gone for good, Kuroko feels like he's privileged compared to Akashi.

At least he always had the periods of freedom when his father was home. But if both of Akashi's parents want to keep him confined in his room, doesn't that mean he really has no chance of being free unless he runs away from home?

_And I'm the only person wh__o can help him?_ It seems that Kuroko's heart goes crazy whenever the redhead's involved. It's a bit annoying though, to have his heart beating so hard it physically hurts.

As the two fall into silence, Kuroko can't help his eyes wandering to Akashi's neck. The scar is partly hidden beneath the collar of his shirt but the bluenette still traces it with his gaze, completely forgetting that Akashi didn't seem too eager to talk about it last time.

"…it's rather rude of you to keep staring at my neck," Akashi says after a while, sounding annoyed. Kuroko jumps a little and retreats a few steps, his face burning with embarrassment.

_Why did I do that again? Now it's going to be awkward for him to stay here… say something, distract him._

"I-I could make some tea if you'd like," he suggests shakily (why is it so hard to keep his voice steady?).

"Thank you," Akashi replies with a smile, and the atmosphere gets lighter once again.

Kuroko tries his best not to take too long in the kitchen but his brain seems to disagree. First he drops the teapot, then the cups (one of them breaks), and just when he's finished cleaning the shards, he somehow manages to splash some of the boiling water on his hand.

_Calm down. This time it'll go better. We'll talk, get to know each ot__her, and I won't go too close to him. _Kuroko runs cold water on his hand and flinches at the sting of pain. Great, it's going to need a band aid. He must seem like a clumsy idiot in Akashi's eyes for this.

Several minutes later Kuroko finally emerges from the kitchen carrying a tray with the tea pot, cups and some sweets he found in the cupboard. Akashi smiles at him and the slight trembling in Kuroko's hands gets so bad that he almost drops the tray.

_Please don't drop it in front of Akashi-kun,_ Kuroko berates himself mentally and somehow manages to set the tray on the table without spilling anything. Another few minutes pass in silence as the two sip their tea.

"It's good."

"What is?"

"…the tea?" There's a hint of amusement in Akashi's voice.

"Oh." _How about thank you? Or something, anything else to start a conversation?_ But no, Kuroko's mouth refuses to open and all he can do is stare at his cup with growing despair.

This is just as awkward as last time, if not even more. So why not just throw all cautiousness to the wind and make the situation even worse than before?

"Akashi-kun."

"Hm?"

"Since I told you about the situation with my family, I was thinking that maybe… you could tell me about the scar on your neck?"

The expression Akashi responds with is not as defensive as before but he still sighs. "You really want to know, huh."

"Well, it is rather clearly visible there…"

"Fine, I'll tell you. But not right now, a bit later." Akashi reaches for his cup and takes another sip. "Thank you for agreeing to my request, Tetsuya," he says suddenly, as if he hadn't even thought of saying that earlier.

"You're welcome," Kuroko says. His face is probably about the same shade as Akashi's hair because it feels like his cheeks are on fire and he still can't understand why the other boy can make him blush with such mundane things as thanking him.

* * *

Kuroko's dad's working late again so the boys have dinner by themselves. Akashi has no idea how to cook, he's always had a maid for that, and Kuroko isn't a master either, mainly due to his stepmother, so in the end they have boiled eggs and some leftover rice.

Akashi says it's good though, so Kuroko doesn't really mind.

Evening falls fast and it starts snowing. The two boys sit in the living room and stare at the flakes dancing in the air while chatting about irrelevant things, such as which season they prefer and when their birthdays are. Turns out that Akashi's turning 17 in just a few weeks – Kuroko makes a mental note to remember the date to be able to do something special on that day.

* * *

It's only when they've gone to bed (Kuroko brings out a spare futon for Akashi and lays it next to his bed) that Akashi brings up the scar again. He does it on his own, just casually mentioning it after they've discussed their schools a bit.

"I've wanted to die ever since I was 13. The first two attempts failed completely, didn't even leave a scar or anything." Akashi's tone is casual, as if he was talking about something as trivial as weather. "On the third time, I really wished I would succeed so I went all out. I stole my father's razor and slit my neck with it." Even in the dark, Kuroko can see Akashi staring at the ceiling with an absent look.

_(How can he be so calm while talking about something like this?)_

"There was so much blood and I was sure I'd succeed. But apparently a maid found me and called an ambulance. I was in a coma for a few days and the doctors thought I wouldn't make it… of course I wasn't there to hear it, they told me afterwards."

The redhead falls silent for a moment. "Hey Tetsuya… if I had died back then, the two of us wouldn't have met. And because of our meeting, I'm really glad to be alive right now. Back then, though… I really wanted to die. All those three times I tried to kill myself, I really wished I would die."

Kuroko chokes up. Sure, he's been miserable too, but at least he's only been desperate enough to try to kill himself once. And that is without a doubt the worst he's ever felt – so cornered that there's no other way but to die to escape it. Akashi, on the other hand, has felt like that three times?

The bluenette can't even begin to imagine how horrible Akashi's life must be.

The sudden wave of sympathy that washes through Kuroko makes him get out of bed and crawl next to Akashi on the futon and, in a burst of courage, wrap his arms around the redhead's waist. He can feel Akashi tense against him so he has to say something to explain himself.

Which is why he ends up babbling totally cheesy lines.

"Don't worry, Akashi-kun. You're not alone anymore. I'm here for you. You don't have to carry your burdens alone." _At least I meant well, even if the executio__n wasn't the best possible…_

Akashi looks at him and smiles. Kuroko's heart misses a beat.

"Thank you, Tetsuya." The redhead presses his head against Kuroko's shoulder and leaves it there. It only takes a few minutes for him to fall asleep, for which Kuroko is rather grateful because his heart is trying to break through his chest again. This time though he knows exactly why.

_I like him,_ he thinks in horror. _I barely kn__ow him, he doesn't need someone like me liking him, but I really like Akashi-kun._

Akashi shifts a little, his hand settling on Kuroko's hip, and Kuroko can't take it. He sits up, removing the hand and runs to the kitchen, his heart about to burst.

_(I can't. Just stop. Please. I can't. He wouldn't ever like me back anyway. Just don't.)_

There's no doubt about it. If he spends any more time with this person, he'll end up falling in love.

* * *

**A/N: **So sorry for the late update! I hit another funk in writing so what can I do. Writer's blocks are no joking matter -_- And I still didn't finish that other fic. Seriously feel free to hate me for never being able to stick to my plans. /drowns in tears of self-loathing

But thanks for all the reviews! Reading through them when I'm having a writer's block and realising that people actually like this story and want to read more makes me really happy and also gives me inspiration to keep writing. And whoa, I'm almost at a 100 followers on this story! Idek what to say, I just hope I won't disappoint anyone in the future haha :D

Hopefully I'll be able to update a bit faster next time~


	7. Chapter 7

**Warnings: **Possible OOCness, angst, (more or less one-sided) AkaKuro. This is a boring filler chapter, sorry. OTL

* * *

During summer, Akashi would often go to Kyoto with his parents. His father's parents have a traditional Japanese house there, complete with a well-tended garden, and Akashi remembers spending time throwing bread at the carps in the pond with his cousins.

And the laughter of the child he used to be – the laughter of someone free.

He hates Tokyo because of all the memories of being locked up in his room, as well as the unsuccessful suicide attempts. Kyoto, on the other hand, actually holds some pleasant childhood memories.

Which is why he wants to take Tetsuya there. Osaka is close to Kyoto, after all, so taking a day trip there should be fine. It can be a sort of a thank you to Tetsuya for letting him stay.

It's summer when they get there and Akashi can't help but wonder a little – wasn't his birthday just coming up? Where did all those months go?

The streets are strangely empty; there's not a soul anywhere. It's definitely weird but the serene smile on Tetsuya's face more than makes up for it. Akashi finds his hand reaching for the bluenette's and entwining their fingers, and thinks that it's only natural to do it.

_(Hold on, we just met…)_

The subtle blush on Tetsuya's cheeks makes him smirk to himself.

They walk like that, holding hands, until they arrive at Akashi's grandparents' house. It looks exactly how Akashi remembers although he hasn't visited Kyoto for some years now. He pulls on Tetsuya's hand, intending to… what?

_(Kiss him?)_

They get interrupted before anything happens, however. From the corner of his eye, Akashi spots two people exiting the house and coming into the garden. He gasps when he recognises them.

_How could I be so stupid? Of course they'd find me from here._

It's his parents who are standing there, staring at him accusingly. "You betrayed us, Seijuurou. You left without our permission. It's such a shame our only son has to be such a disappointment."

Akashi's eyes harden as he regards his parents. "I don't care what you think, I left exactly because I wanted to get away from you."

"We're still willing to forgive you, though. Come back now, and we'll forget this whole incident." They both extend their hands towards Akashi, resulting in him taking a step back.

Akashi keeps retreating and shaking his head as he goes. "No, I'm not going back and you can't force me. I'm not ever going back, hear me? I despise you two."

His mother's mouth pulls into a wry smile. "If you don't come back, you won't have a family. You won't have anywhere to go, is that what you want?"

"I do have a place to go to, Tetsuya said I can stay with him."

His father smiles and it's somehow really creepy. "But Seijuurou, this 'Tetsuya' isn't here, is he?"

"What? He's right here, don't you see?" But just as Akashi says it, he knows Tetsuya isn't there anymore. Where did he go and when?

"Don't you understand, Seijuurou? We're the only ones who care. Come back to us and you'll be fine…" Her voice is soft and gentle but it's all _wrong_ in a way Akashi can't explain. "Come home…!"

Akashi blinks in fear as his parents suddenly start transforming. It's as if they're melting; they still look human, just somehow deformed and bent at weird angles. They approach him, reaching out their crooked arms as they get closer, and Akashi realises he can't move –

Akashi opens his mouth. A deafening scream pierces the air.

It takes him a moment to realise it isn't him who's screaming, and then another to remember where he is. Obviously it can't be his room because there's someone else in there, screaming and crying –

Akashi sits up and throws the cover off of himself, moving closer to the bed. How could he have forgotten?

"Tetsuya, what's wrong?"

The bluenette keeps trashing around, holding his head and screaming, screaming, screaming until it feels like Akashi's head is splitting in half. What the hell's going on?

He leans over the other boy, grabbing his flailing arms with one hand, and uses his other hand to gently slap Tetsuya's cheek.

"Wake up, Tetsuya, it's okay. I'm here, you'll be fine."

As he tries to wake Tetsuya up, Akashi registers footsteps coming closer and closer until the door flies open. There's a click and Akashi freezes when the room suddenly fills with light.

"…who are you?"

Well isn't this just the best possible situation to meet a friend's father for the first time. The redhead is frozen in place, his back facing the door. Tetsuya's stopped screaming; now he just lies there moaning quietly, face pale and covered in cold sweat.

"Hey, I asked who you were!" Akashi counts slowly to ten and turns to face the man standing in the doorway – Kuroko's father, obviously.

"I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to introduce myself, Kuroko-san, but you hadn't come home by the time we went to sleep so I –"

Suddenly, Tetsuya draws a loud, uneven breath. The other two whip their heads around to look at him.

"Are you all right, Tetsuya?" they ask at the same time and glance at each other, Kuroko's father in surprise, Akashi mildly annoyed.

(People speaking at the same time as him is one of the things he really hates.)

The bluenette groans slightly and holds his head.

"…can we talk about this in the morning, please?" he finally requests in a weak voice.

Not having this without a doubt awkward conversation in the middle of the night sounds reasonable, and Tetsuya's father leaves the room even though he casts suspicious glances towards Akashi before switching the lights off and closing the door.

Tetsuya grabs a few pills from his night stand, swallows them and goes back to a somewhat restless sleep. It takes considerably longer for Akashi to calm down enough to get some shut eye, the twisted forms of his parents still lurking at the back of his mind.

* * *

Akashi fiddles with the cup in his hand, stealing glances at Tetsuya and his father. They don't really look that much alike, he notes. Maybe Tetsuya takes more after his mother?

…speaking of which, the woman Akashi saw pushing Tetsuya into his room was the step-mother, right? And oh, he knows it's rude to pry, but he can't help but feel curious about Tetsuya's real mother.

"I'm sorry, father. I was going to introduce Akashi-kun to you but you were working late so I couldn't." Tetsuya bows his head with an apologetic look. His father smiles and ruffles his hair.

"It's fine, I'm really glad you've finally made a friend. You could've just sent me a text to let me know, though." The word 'friend' makes Tetsuya jolt and glance in Akashi's direction. The redhead raises a brow in question but Tetsuya's eyes shift quickly back to his father.

"…um, would it be all right if Akashi-kun came to Osaka with us?"

The man looks surprised. Akashi decides to offer an explanation himself.

"I had a fight with my parents and they threw me out. Now I have nowhere to go so I'd really appreciate it if I could stay with you… at least for a while." The ease with which the lies fall off his tongue surprises Akashi. Sure, he's always been good at manipulating people and making up stories but still, this is on a completely different level.

The situation is quite the opposite actually, after all, since he's the one who ran away from home.

But who cares about that? All he has to do is convince Tetsuya's father to take him to Osaka. He'll be a little safer there, and him and Tetsuya can –

Suddenly he remembers that dream he had before Tetsuya woke him up with his screaming… that was definitely weird. Holding hands? Even almost kissing? Akashi's never had dreams like that before so it's troubling him. Does this mean he likes Tetsuya?

No, how could that be. They barely know each other and looking at the bluenette now, in daylight, Akashi feels nothing akin to sexual attraction towards him. Just vague affection, the kind he imagines siblings might feel.

"Akashi-kun?" A hand waving in front of his face brings Akashi back to the kitchen of the Kuroko household.

"I'm sorry, I was lost in thought." He smiles at Tetsuya and watches with some amusement as the boy goes red and turns away from him. Tetsuya's father coughs, getting both of the teenagers attention back to him.

"Well, honestly I think it would be better if you tried to reconcile with your parents, Akashi-kun. I have nothing against having Tetsuya's friend staying over for a night or two, but moving to another town…" He shakes his head. "I don't think I could do that. I'm really sorry, Akashi-kun."

"B-but…" Tetsuya's voice is pleading and there are almost tears in his eyes.

His father looks even more apologetic than before. "Surely your parents regret throwing you out already? You should call them to let them know you're safe."

"I don't have a phone," Akashi says bluntly.

"Eh?" The other two stare at him in surprise.

"My parents never wanted to buy me one, so I don't have a phone." Akashi stretches his back and gets up with a resigned sigh. "Well, I think I'm just going to get my stuff and leave then. If you're sure about not taking me with you."

Tetsuya's eyes are full of despair when Akashi reaches his gaze with a reassuring smile. "I'll think of something so you don't have to look like that, Tetsuya."

But what is that something? It's not like he has money or a place to stay at. If he can't go to Osaka, he'll have no choice but to go back home.

…no way. He's not going back to that place. No, he's going to Osaka with Tetsuya because somehow he feels like the boy needs him as much as he needs Tetsuya.

The only problem is the father.

Akashi steps into Tetsuya's room and instinctively glances across the street. His room is empty and the door's open. A wry smile pulls at his lips.

_I wonder what they've done to find me… they've probably called the police and hired a detective or two. Hah. If I go out, I'll surely get caught, unless I disguise myself._

Akashi jumps in surprise when Tetsuya suddenly starts talking right by his side. "You can still come, Akashi-kun. I'll buy you a train ticket and all, and then I'll come pick you up from the station. Father's at work most of the time anyway, he won't even know the difference… it would work, I know it would."

"You don't have to go that far for me –"

"I want to help," Tetsuya says firmly, not leaving Akashi any room to argue. The redhead chuckles and reaches out to ruffle the bluenette's hair.

"You're really wonderful, Tetsuya. I can't understand why your stepmother treated you like trash, even if you start screaming in the middle of the night."

Tetsuya goes red once again and slaps Akashi's hand away. "I – I can't help that, I have horrible nightmares all the time."

"I can even buy you a phone if you want. Akashi-kun, I really want you to come to Osaka with me." Tetsuya closes his eyes. "Please."

How heartless would Akashi need to be to be able to say no to that?

* * *

In the afternoon, Tetsuya goes out to do arrange some things. His father has a day off, due to his transfer, so he spends the day packing, Akashi giving him a hand when needed.

Tetsuya comes back a few hours later and shoves a ticket to Akashi's hand. One way to Osaka.

He also pulls a mobile from his back pocket and gives it to Akashi. The redhead stares at the device in wonder.

"It was really cheap so you don't have to worry," Tetsuya says and adds, "I already added my number there."

Akashi smiles and puts the phone in his pocket. "It kind of feels like we're lovers on the run or something," he says and laughs.

He turns around to pull some clothes out of Tetsuya's wardrobe to help him pack, completely missing the mixture of horror and embarrassment on the bluenette's face.

* * *

**A/N: **Took me a million years to update, gomen! I suck & stuff. (motivation, where are you?)

I really feel like I should stick to writing in Finnish because English gives me a headache. I don't know all the words, damn it TAT Also the dream sequence in the beginning… damn it would've come out better but I seriously didn't know some of the words I wanted to use so yeah, I suck big time. Or my English does anyway.

*cough* Anyhow, feedback is always welcome. (and thanks for the support so far ;u;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Warnings: **Possible OOCness and cultural inaccuracy, angst. There's a slight time skip at the start of the chapter, sorry if it's confusing.

* * *

"Do you miss Tokyo, Akashi-kun?

"Why would I?"

"…your home's there."

"I wouldn't call it home. Besides, it's not like I don't have a place to stay at here."

Kuroko lapses into silence. Akashi admires the view from the window. Osaka is a nice town as well, he remarks. Maybe he could learn to like it there?

Kuroko is the one to break the silence. "But what if your parents find you? I don't want you to go back there."

"…Tetsuya?"

"Hm?"

"It's going to be all right. I'll find a way to get on with my life without having to constantly worry about my parents." Akashi smiles absentmindedly. "No matter what, I will find a way to be free. I promise I won't leave you."

And even though there's no guarantee Akashi can live up to his promise, Kuroko believes him. Mostly because he really wants to stay with the redhead too. So what if his feelings are one-sided? So what if Akashi only sees him as a friend and a support pillar? For now, Kuroko feels happy enough just by being able to offer a refuge to the redhead.

But being a teenage boy, despite his politeness and the abuse he's gone through, he can't help it if he dreams of touching Akashi all over and wakes up with a mess in his pants.

* * *

As the days go by, Kuroko occasionally commutes between Osaka and Tokyo and studies for university entrance exams. He's decided to go to school in Osaka; Tokyo holds no special place in his heart and the risk of Akashi getting caught is greater in there so he might as well stay in Osaka for good.

His life's starting to look bright. No more locked doors and restricted freedom. Okay, things could always be better, without schizophrenia and the bothersome feelings he has for Akashi, but for the first time in years, he actually feels like being alive isn't such a task after all.

Akashi, on the other hand, is practically stuck. He doesn't want to apply to uni, and he can't go out all that often – his hair is way too recognisable – so instead he hides in the bluenette's room, going through his belongings while unpacking.

There's mostly clothes and books, and after getting everything unpacked and settled, Akashi has nothing left to do.

Running away is easy, was easy for him too, despite all of his parents' supervision, but now that he's gone, he has no idea what he's supposed to do.

How do runaways usually manage to get their lives back on track anyway? Do they start a completely new life, with new identities and all?

* * *

Ten days after their arrival to Osaka, Akashi comes across an old photo album. He flips through the pages, seeing an endless amount of pictures of a blue haired boy with two people who are presumably his parents.

The woman in the pictures must be Tetsuya's real mother; at least the resemblance is uncanny. The little boy smiles so brightly and looks happy – he can't be older than five even in the most recent pictures. What a difference the past ten years have made, Akashi hasn't seen Tetsuya smile that genuinely even once.

Well, schizophrenia and a hateful stepmother would surely rob anyone of their smile but still. Isn't it weird how Tetsuya's father ended up marrying someone who couldn't love his son?

"Ah-! Akashi-kun, please don't look at that!"

Akashi jumps slightly in surprise as Kuroko's voice suddenly calls out to him. He turns around, holding the album with no intention of putting it away. The bluenette is standing in the doorway, eyes wide and pleading as he repeats his request to Akashi.

"I'm sorry, I just happened upon it," Akashi says but he still doesn't put the album away. Noticing this, Kuroko steps into the room and drops onto the floor next to Akashi.

"That's my mother," he says quietly. The redhead nods.

"I thought so. You take after her." Akashi turns his gaze back to the picture. "She looks like a really nice person." (Kuroko nods voicelessly.)" So… how did your father end up marrying someone like your stepmother? What happened to your mother?"

"She's… not around anymore," Kuroko replies, feeling increasingly uncomfortable as the conversation goes on. He hid the album years ago, intending to never look at it again because the photos in it bring back memories of a loss he's never quite recovered form. "Hasn't been for a long time."

Akashi doesn't pry any further, for which Kuroko is really grateful. They just sit on the cold floor next to each other in silence, their shoulders brushing.

And frankly, Kuroko likes it that way. He finds endless comfort in just being close to someone who has no intention of going away and leaving him to fix himself. Yes, being with Akashi has definitely helped him a lot.

If it wasn't for the horrible yearning for something more constantly lingering in Kuroko's chest, the time he spends with Akashi would probably be the best he's ever had.

* * *

It becomes habitual for the two of them to share these short, yet meaningful conversations and just simply sit together in silence afterwards. Getting used to having someone so close isn't easy for either of them; Akashi's never been given any physical displays of affection and for Kuroko it has been years.

But when they do get used to it, it feels right. It's only natural that two teenage boys who both have family issues and more or less suicidal tendencies should find solace in each other. And even when they're not saying anything, they still feel the understanding lingering between them.

For the both of them, it just might be the first time they've ever trusted another person.

"Is there a reason your parents are so overprotective of you?" Kuroko asks one day after dinner, just casually throwing it out there before he has a chance to overthink and feel like he's prying.

"Other than the fact that I'm the heir to the company?" Akashi stares at his hands pensively. "A few years before I was born, my mother… she had a miscarriage. And well… to them, I was a godsend. In some cases, having a miscarriage might make it impossible to have children. So I guess my mother was lucky to have me, right?" Akashi laughs but there's no warmth in it. "Too bad the child they did have ended up hating them more than anything."

"It's not your fault. I'd hate them too if they were my parents," Kuroko says bluntly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. For a moment, Akashi just stares at him, his eyes widened by surprise, but then his face melts into a gentle smile.

"So we both hate my parents then? Some pair we are," Akashi says and covers his mouth with a hand. It takes a few seconds for Kuroko to realise that he's laughing.

Akashi's laughing, and he seems genuinely happy, his eyes twinkling with mirth, and Kuroko can't help but think that _he_ made Akashi laugh like that._ He_ made the redhead happy, even if it's only for a moment.

That makes his heart beat faster, his breath getting caught in his throat.

Maybe he's not the only one who reacts strongly when the two of them are together after all?

What if…

"I like you, Akashi-kun."

Akashi glances at him over his shoulder, looking a bit confused before he smiles. "I like you too, Tetsuya," he replies with the kind of ease that tells Kuroko that they're not talking about the same kind of like.

"No, I don't mean it like that. I mean I really like you. I… I might even love you," Kuroko tries again with a hint of desperation in his voice. This time Akashi seems to get it but his expression is not what Kuroko was hoping for.

"I see…"

No, that's all wrong. He shouldn't have hoped for anything. He's just a weird boy with schizophrenia, whereas Akashi is…

"I want to kiss you, touch you, be close to you and – you do understand what I mean, right?"

…_perfection._ Kuroko can't even breathe anymore. Of course he's wrong, he always is. He just read too much into it, that's all. And now it's going to be awkward between them.

Akashi looks extremely troubled. "I do, but I'm – I mean, I don't… feel the same. I'm sorry."

_(See? I told you so. Who would love you? Who would even tolerate your presence of their own free will? Never forget that he's here only because he has nowhere else to go.)_

"Shut up…" Kuroko mumbles to himself so quietly that Akashi doesn't catch it.

"I'm really sorry, Tetsuya." Akashi can't even look at him anymore. But what of it? Kuroko's used to people avoiding him or not even noticing his existence. He prefers it that way. So even if it's Akashi, it's fine. Everything's going to be just fine, all rosy and wonderful.

Except it won't because it hurts so much he feels like throwing up. It hurts way more than anything has ever hurt before and Kuroko can't stop the voices that start creeping inside his head.

_(You think he'll care? Because he won't. Now you've gone and made it awkward, so you'd better bid him farewell. You don't even deserve to have people around you.)_

"Shut up." This time his voice is a little louder and Akashi hears it.

"…Tetsuya?" Hesitantly, the redhead reaches a hand towards Kuroko.

_(If he touches you now, it's going to be out of pity and worry, not love. You know that, right?)_

"SHUT UP!" Kuroko clutches at his head with both hands. There are so many voices, so many things he doesn't want to hear and why won't it _stop_? Somewhere in the midst of the chaos in his mind he registers Akashi kneeling in front of him and talking to him but he can't hear, he doesn't know what the redhead is saying and everything hurts.

So _much_.

"Tetsuya –!"

* * *

_(You won't ever find love because you don't deserve it.)_

* * *

His mother's been acting weird for a while already. She seems so absentminded and aloof, as if only her body was there and her mind somewhere completely different. She hugs him, tells him he loves him as she's always done before and yet she isn't really there.

And one day, she's completely gone. All of her. Tetsuya comes home from kindergarten, excited about finally making a friend, but she isn't there to greet him. He ventures into the living room, kitchen, his own room – nothing. Finally he approaches the door of his parents' bedroom.

And when he finds it empty too, he just knows she's gone. Opening the closet only to see his mother's clothes missing doesn't even shock him. He knew they wouldn't be there even before he opened the doors.

He just stands there, a five-year-old boy who suddenly has no mother.

And in all of his confusion he doesn't even start to cry.

When his father gets home that night and finds Tetsuya in their bedroom, staring at the half-empty closet (the other half is still filled with his father's things), the man breaks without a warning. He starts crying and ushers Tetsuya out of the room. The bluenette stands behind the closed door for a long time and listens to his father's muffled sobs.

Tetsuya doesn't understand what's going on, he's too young, but he does realise that this isn't a joke. His mother isn't going to come back in a few days, things aren't going to go back to normal.

She's gone for good and from now on, it's going to be just his father and him.

* * *

They do just fine with just the two of them for almost three years. Or maybe fine isn't the best word to describe their situation; Tetsuya's father buries himself with work and rarely makes it home before the boy's gone to bed, always promising him to start being a better father and yet never living up to his words.

At night, Tetsuya often wakes up to the sound of his father crying and he wishes he could help, but he doesn't really even know what happened to his mother or why his father seems so inconsolable. All he know is that his presence would only make it worse for his father, although he can't really explain why.

But he's fine; they're both fine.

* * *

Tetsuya often pretends his mother is still there when he's home alone and speaks to the walls and furniture. He still remembers the loving smiles and warm hugs she used to give him, so all he has to do is close his eyes and imagine.

During winter he finally starts realising that even his vivid imagination isn't going to bring back the warmth of his mother's embrace.

* * *

For almost three years, the father and son barely talk to each other. In fact, Tetsuya rarely speaks with anyone – he's no longer a real person, just a shadow sitting quietly in the corner of the classroom without making any contact with the surrounding world.

And he's fine. He's just fine because he can still have his mother back when he closes his eyes. Or some of her, at least, and the little he has is enough to keep him attached to life.

* * *

Tetsuya's just turned eight when he meets _her_. _She's_ pretty, kind and gentle, but _she's_ not his mother. And yet, Tetsuya's father introduces _her_ as his wife-to-be and Tetsuya's stepmother.

If Tetsuya wasn't such a polite boy, he would probably start yelling at his father for doing something like this – trying to replace a person whom they both loved so much, no, that's just wrong, you can't do that, father.

But he sees his father genuinely smiling for the first time in years so he can't say anything. Maybe they can find happiness. It won't be the same as when his real mother was around, of course, but happiness nonetheless.

_She_ tries very hard to be a good mother. _She_ cooks, plays with Tetsuya, tends to his wounds and scratches and always remembers to smile in that sweet, gentle way that almost reminds Tetsuya of his mother.

Almost, because something's still missing. _Her_ actions don't seem genuine, as if _she's_ forcing herself to be nice towards Tetsuya. The love _she_ seemingly offers isn't boundless and unconditional like his mother's.

Tetsuya can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with him. Something fundamentally unlovable. Yes, to him it seems plausible.

Things only get worse after he starts hearing voices that shouldn't be there, and seeing weird things. _She _can't hold back _her_ disgust any longer and starts locking him into his room every chance _she_ gets – which is often.

The only comfort he gets from his father is a doctor's appointment which leads to a diagnosis of schizophrenia. His father starts working even more to be able to cover the medical expenses, leaving the bluenette to wonder whatever happened to the happiness they were supposed to have.

It's only years later that he realises that in reality he didn't lose only his mother that day. His father's been gone ever since then too.

* * *

**A/N:** geheheh idek what to say about this chapter. I did have fun writing it though. (does that make me a bad person?) It's something of a filler again and I'm currently drowning in self-loathing because of that u_u If my writing goes according to plan, the next chapter's gonna have some action though so I hope you'll bear with these not-so-eventful chapters in between.

As for the reviews; no worries, I'm not gonna switch to writing in Finnish because I hate writing in Finnish even more than writing in English (for entirely different reasons though) and if you guys, some of whom are actual native English speakers, think my English is good, then I'll just take your word for it and stop being so critical towards myself. You have no idea what it does to my (non-existent) self-esteem to hear I'm actually doing well in something :'')

Okay all the personal crap aside, you guys are really awesome for sticking with me even though I'm irregular as fuck and never reply to reviews x_X Yeaaah keep up the supporting and maybe I'll feel inspired enough to update faster next time (in case I don't, I'm sorry and I'll just hide for an eternity whilst crying because I fail). Gomen for the rant, I suck, I'll be quiet now ._.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warnings: **angst, one-sided AkaKuro. I feel like there's more OOCness than usual but that might just be me…

* * *

After having a breakdown and fainting, Tetsuya falls asleep and stays that way for an astonishingly long time. Akashi moves him to the bed and stays next to him, anxious to have him wake up.

It's already quite late when the bluenette comes to. Akashi's extremely relieved to see Tetsuya awake and says as much. The first thing the other boy does, however, is apologise for causing Akashi so much trouble.

"It was no trouble. Besides, I'm just glad you're all right, Tetsuya. I had no idea what I should do if you weren't going to wake up."

"…it's not the first time it's happened so I'm fine," Tetsuya says dismissively, avoiding Akashi's eyes.

Somehow the silence that follows isn't as comfortable as the ones they've shared before. Akashi's thoughts keep going back to the conversation that led to the bluenette's breakdown and he knows they have to talk about it.

He just has no idea how to bring it up without making Tetsuya freak out again.

"Um, Akashi-kun…" Tetsuya hesitates for a bit before continuing, "about what I said before… I'm really sorry but I… I was serious."

There it is. _Tetsuya made the first move so it's okay to talk about it, right? Take a deep breath now and don't make him cry._

"I'm sorry, Tetsuya, it's not about you, I've just never felt like that about anyone. I really hope we can still be friends – but I understand if you don't want me to stay here anymore."

"…" Instead of answering, Tetsuya removes the pillow from under his head and pulls it over his face. Akashi waits for a moment but the bluenette doesn't budge.

"…Tetsuya?"

Still no reply.

The bed creaks as Akashi gets up. Tetsuya twitches but the pillow doesn't move.

"Well, if you're not throwing me away, maybe I could stay for a little while longer. Just so I could think of what to do next."

Akashi softly steps to the door. As he leaves the room, he's almost sure he hears something like 'please stay' being muttered from under the pillow.

A faint smile tugging at is lips, the redhead closes the door and leaves Tetsuya to rest.

* * *

The photo album is still on Tetsuya's desk when Akashi goes back in a while later. The bluenette's eyes flicker briefly to the album and then to Akashi before suddenly filling with tears.

Needless to say, Akashi has no idea what to do in a situation like this so he panics. "Um, Tetsuya, it's all right. You don't have to cry, I'm not mad at you."

"…." Tetsuya hiccups and wipes at his eyes, frustrated. It does nothing to stop his tears from flowing though.

"Look, if it's about your confession, then it's really okay," Akashi says gently and approaches the bed. Tetsuya shakes his head.

"I'm sorry I like you but please, I really don't want you to go. I can't bear to lose you, Akashi-kun," the tearful bluenette pleads.

Akashi brings a hand to Tetsuya's cheek and rubs it calmingly. "Calm down Tetsuya, it's all right. I'm not leaving unless you want me to. I have nowhere else to go, remember?"

"But… my mother left too, even though I didn't want her to…"

"She left? So she didn't die?"

Tetsuya's eyes widen and he pulls away from Akashi's touch, clearly looking like he said more than he'd meant to. The redhead doesn't let it get to him though; he just gently grabs Tetsuya's hand and holds it with his own.

"It's fine, I won't tell anyone."

One more moment of hesitation before, without a warning, Tetsuya starts speaking in a very loud voice, almost shouting.

"She didn't die, she was gone one day when I got home from kindergarten and father never explained a thing. I was only five, how could I have understood or known or – or anything! I waited for her but father just kept on crying and I–" his breath hitches and he stops talking, the tears still running down his cheeks.

The feeling of not being able to do anything is a huge blow to Akashi's pride. He's supposed to be so smart, he always gets perfect scores from exams, and yet here he is, unable to do anything to make the only person he's ever considered a friend feel better.

… _god I wish my parents had let me have normal human interaction at some point of my life._

"….she sent me a letter." It's so quiet Akashi almost doesn't hear it at all but Tetsuya's looking at him with fierce eyes, as if challenging him to prove his words wrong. And to be honest, Akashi's glad the boy seems to have calmed down a bit. At least he's not shouting anymore.

"A letter?"

The bluenette nods. "It was on my twelfth birthday. After mother left, everything kind of… fell apart, and my birthday wasn't much to look forward to… but I was still excited, because father had promised to spend the whole day with me, to buy me my favourite food for dinner and such." Tetsuya's eyes are full of wistful nostalgia as he talks, and Akashi feels a sudden pinch of envy.

_I bet my parents don't even know what my favourite food is._

"We stayed out late and it almost felt like I'd gotten my old father back, the one he was before my mother left. But then when we got home, my stepmother had seen the letter…"

* * *

_"What's this? Your ex-wife writes letters to – your son?" She was clearly about to call him by name but couldn't bring herself to do it, and that hurts. Tetsuya looks at his father, pleading him to say something, to solve the situation, but the man just stands there, frozen in place._

_That hurts too._

_When neither the father nor son answers her, she starts reading the letter out loud, mocking each and every word with her tone._

_"'Dear Tetsuya,_

_I don't know how well you remember me, but even if you have completely forgotten, I felt like I owe you an apology. Or at least an explanation. Approaching you with a letter seemed the best solution since I have no idea how your father would react to us meeting in person._

_I don't want you to think I hate you or your father. Because I still love you both dearly and I honestly wish I could have had the courage to talk back then, instead of running away. I know you're still young and might not understand, but I wanted to tell you. I've wanted to tell you both ever since I left. I even thought of leaving you a goodbye letter but back then, I couldn't find the words I needed._

_You see, even though I knew you both loved me very much, it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be free. I felt like I was way too young to be tied down to a family, it just didn't suit me. It still doesn't actually; I never remarried._

_To you this might seem like a stupid reason to leave and cause you so much pain, but I couldn't bear it. If I'd stayed, I'd have sacrificed my happiness for yours and I didn't think it was worth it. I didn't want you to see me like that, and I always hoped your father would remarry and find you a better mother than myself._

_I really hope my wish came true. If not, I'm sorry. I really am. I can't ask for forgiveness but I do hope you that no matter how your childhood turned out after that, you'll be happy someday. Because you're a wonderful boy and you deserve all the happiness in the world._

_You can show this letter to your father if you want to, but the person I most want to read this is you, Tetsuya._

_I'm sorry I wasn't a better mother.'_

_Oh! There are tear stains all over this! Do you think your beloved mommy cried her heart out while writing this? And you," Tetsuya's stepmother turns to his father, "stop crying. She's gone and this" she crumples the letter in her hand with a disgusted expression, "this proves she's never been planning to come back, even though you both wish for it so much. And yet she dares to apologise, as if that'd make things better!"_

_Tetsuya can't move. Can't his father see what kind of a monster he's married? This woman dares to talk of his mother with that degrading tone and the man does nothing but cry?_

_Tetsuya has just turned twelve and he's almost sure he hates his father._

Almost five years later, he still feels that boiling hatred when he remembers what a useless, crying mess his father becomes at the mere mention of his first wife.

* * *

That night, Akashi and Tetsuya both lie awake long enough to hear Tetsuya's father come home around midnight. The redhead almost jumps up to go punch the man; he's just so angry. How can people like that even have children?

It's not like his own parents are much better though.

* * *

Tetsuya's bed-hair is even messier than usual and his eyes are red from crying so much. Other than that, he seems a lot better than the previous day. Still, to avoid getting the other boy worked up again, Akashi decides to stay quiet about subjects that might trigger another panic attack.

Maybe he's making a weird face or something, but for whatever reason, Tetsuya notices something's wrong and tells him to spill it.

"My birthday's today," Akashi finally admits with reluctance. Tetsuya's eyes go wide.

"I'm sorry, I completely forgot. But we should celebrate your birthday, Akashi-kun. And we can have your favourite food for dinner," Tetsuya adds as an afterthought.

"Oh no, that's fine, I've never liked celebrating it. My parents always invite my most obnoxious relatives and then I have to sit there like some doll and act like it's so much fun. It's not." Akashi stares at his tea cup with displease. He'd forgotten how much he hates those pretentious little shits that share his blood.

Tetsuya smiles faintly. "We won't invite your relatives so would you be okay with spending your birthday with me?"

"That sounds a lot better," Akashi consents.

* * *

Despite Akashi thinking it's not a good idea, Tetsuya insists on taking the redhead out for dinner. They manage to find a nice small restaurant close to the flat and for possibly the first time in his life, Akashi has fun on his birthday.

After dinner, they buy a cake from a nearby bakery and head home with it. They walk so close to each other that their shoulders keep brushing and even that makes Akashi smile.

Isn't this like a date? Except for it to be a date, they would need to be something more than friends. And ouch, Akashi does not want to bring that up right now; today they're having fun.

"This is quite possibly the best birthday I've ever had. Thank you, Tetsuya." And he really means every word. Tetsuya blushes and looks away, but he looks really happy too.

* * *

They decide to take the stairs instead of the lift, just so they could walk next to each other for a moment longer. As they reach the right floor, Akashi immediately spots two people standing in front of the door of the Kuroko household. It's strange; Tetsuya never mentioned they were expecting someone.

And what's more, he's pretty sure he recognises them.

But no, that couldn't be. No one knows he's here, except for Tetsuya of course, and the bluenette wouldn't tell anyone.

"Akashi-kun? Why did you stop?"

They're really close now, why doesn't Tetsuya realise there's something wrong?

Oh right, he's never met Akashi's parents. If it indeed is them, that is.

"…Seijuurou?" That confirms it. It really is his parents standing in front of the door of the Kuroko household, looking at the two teenagers.

_(Why are they here? How did they find out? What am I going to do?)_

Tetsuya freezes by his side. Akashi can't tear his eyes away from his mother's face, she's coming closer and reaching an arm out–

"We've been so worried, Seijuurou! When you suddenly disappeared and left your driver beaten up in the car, we thought you might've tried to… well, hurt yourself," she ends her sentence with uneasiness.

Akashi sighs exasperatedly; inside, he's slightly panicked and trying to think of a way to escape. "Oh come on mother, why not say you feared I might've killed myself? That's what you thought, right? Why are you so afraid of admitting that your son wants to _die_?"

"Seijuurou," his father tries to interrupt but the redhead's not having any of that.

"Just so you know, I left of my own free will and you should respect my decision. And if you try to force me to come with you, I'll put up a fight. You won't get away unnoticed."

Akashi's words cause his father to explode. "Listen to me! We came all the way to Osaka and we are not going to just leave you here because you want to stay. You're still underage and we want you to be safely home so you're coming with us right now. Say goodbye to your friend and we'll leave!"

"No, I'm not going back to that house!" Akashi snaps and turns around to run away – only to bump into Kuroko's father. The man has a mildly confused look on his face before understanding lights his face.

"Ah! Are you Akashi-kun's parents? I'm glad you came so quickly."

If the atmosphere was tense before, now it gets absolutely stifling. Akashi freezes, his eyes fixating on the wall next to his mother, as Tetsuya goes even paler than usual.

"…you called them, father?" he asks in a voice so quiet it couldn't even be heard if the others weren't practically motionless.

"Yes, well… I found out about him having come to Osaka after all a few days ago, I heard you talking in your room." The man frowns. "I just thought it would be better for Akashi-kun to go home since he's still underage and all so I searched around for a bit and found his parents. He even lied about them throwing him away so he can't be good company, can he? And besides, you need to concentrate on your entrance exams, Tetsuya. Having someone around distracting you all the time isn't good."

In a desperate attempt not to cry, Tetsuya bites his lip so hard he draws blood. "Don't try to act like a good and caring father after all this time! I don't want that. Besides, Akashi-kun doesn't distract me, he's the only friend I have and I want him to be around!"

"Now now, don't make a scene. Seijuurou will come with us and that'll settle it. You two can still stay in touch even if you don't live together," Akashi's mother says in a tone that means 'if you try to approach my son after this I'll kill you'.

"But he doesn't want to go-" Tetsuya gets cut off by Akashi's father.

"Seijuurou always wants to make friends with the most troublesome people, doesn't he? I'm sure you're the one who convinced him to run away from home and come to Osaka and somehow make him believe he's here of his own will, but that ends now. Our son does not need friends who get him caught in something as reckless as this."

_Excuse me?_ Akashi feels so insulted and outraged by his father's words that he can't even open his mouth. Apparently his parents take that as him succumbing to their will because they grab him by the arms and guide him to the lift.

None of the three says a thing on the way down but Akashi feels both of his parents gripping him tightly. When they step out of the building, there's a car waiting at the street. Akashi curses inwardly.

_How did I not see the car? If I had, I might've been able to run away before they saw me._

"Akashi-kun!"

The redhead turns around. Tetsuya runs into the street with his father at his heels and stops a few meters away from Akashi. "You said you wouldn't go…"

"…I'm sorry, Tetsuya." _I'll find a way to escape again, no matter what._

"Akashi-kun, you can't-" Tetsuya tries to come closer but his father grabs his arms from behind and holds him back. "Let go of me!"

"Seijuurou, get in the car," Akashi's mother suddenly commands and opens the door. For a split second the redhead plays with the idea of breaking free from his parents' hold but then decides that that would only be a waste of time and energy. There's nothing he can do now. Even if he manages to run away now, he has nowhere to go.

"I despise you," he says with a sweet and entirely fake smile as he complies with her wish. The door slams shut after him with a sense of finality. As his parents get into the car, Akashi turns to look at Tetsuya through the window.

_We'll meet again_, he mouths. Tetsuya nods and there are tears running down his cheeks again.

The car starts and Tetsuya thrashes in his father's hold, trying to run after the already moving vehicle. "Let go! I can't stand you, I hate you, please wait, Akashi-kun - !"

The last thing Akashi sees is Tetsuya fighting against his father's hold and crying a waterfall. He slides down in his seat, feeling both ready to brutally murder his parents and completely break down.

Well. Isn't this just the best birthday he's ever had.

* * *

**A/N: **I've been having a lot of KawoShin feels lately, does that show? :''D (if you don't know what I'm talking about then ignore this)

*ahem*First of all, I'm really bad at taking compliments so when I was reading the reviews for the previous chapter, I was making really weird squealing noises and smiling like a retard and yeah bottom line being thanks for all the support. ;u; I seriously have no confidence in anything I do so all encouragement is much appreciated.

The update took kinda long again, gomen OTL that's the problem when you're working on multiple fics at the same time. I hope you won't give up on me because of that /throws self down a cliff

Kuroko seems really OOC to me in this chapter, but then again I figured that he's been abused and whatnot soooo at least his OOCness has a reason. (Or so I tell myself and yet lose sleep over making him so OOC hahahhaha)

**Tuliharja:** I've just never been comfortable with writing fiction in Finnish, and idek why :D I speak five languages but I can only write fluently in two so English it is ;) back in lower secondary I used to write in Finnish though but oh god those stories are so horrible I can't even read them anymore…

Well, this author's note got long o_O better shut up now. Hope you like it (I've been wanting to write this chapter since like chapter 5 or thereabouts) and I'll work hard to get the next chapter done asap /rolls away


	10. Chapter 10

**Warnings: **angst, possible OOCness. Another filler-ish chapter, so it comes with a large serving of tears of self-loathing from yours truly /throws self down the stairs (also, beware of the mammoth-sized author's note o_O)

* * *

The front door opens and closes. There's shuffling of clothes, shoes being removed, and then footsteps approaching his room.

A knock on the door, followed by the words 'Tetsuya, I'm home.' He curls up into a ball and presses his eyes shut.

_(Maybe he'll go away if I don't respond.)_

"I got off early today so I was thinking we could have dinner together for a change."

"…"

"Or have you already eaten?"

"…"

"…Tetsuya?"

_(Go away…)_

"I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry Akashi-kun left but I honestly think it's better for him to be home with his parents and finish school than be here with nothing. And it's not like you can't ever see him again, I'll buy you a ticket to Tokyo myself so you can go see him."

_(Go see him? You don't know anything.)_

"…well, if you get hungry I'll make enough food for the both of us, okay? Don't stay cooped up in your room like that."

"…nngh." He's tried so hard, he really has, but finally the tears start falling. He misses Akashi so much and nothing his father can say or do will ever fix that.

Crying won't fix it either but what can he do, the tears just keep coming.

Maybe he'll just stay in his room and cry until he drowns in his tears then.

* * *

Akashi tunes out most of what his parents say to him once they're back home. Something about him being under closer surveillance than before and then 'we just want you to be safe' or some such and 'you're the heir of the family' and blah blah blah.

He ignores every word, just wishing he could be someone else far away from all of this, preferably in Osaka with Tetsuya. But no, he's Akashi Seijuurou and he's stuck in this hellhole his parents call home.

Back to square one, huh. Being confined to the room stripped of everything save for the bed; the familiar view to the room that used to be Tetsuya's.

The biggest difference is that Tetsuya isn't there anymore.

And damn Akashi misses the boy so much. The wide blue eyes, the way Tetsuya relies on him, the way Akashi can feel comfortable around the bluenette, everything.

Now, it all feels rather like a dream. Something like that happening to him is too good to be true; as if he could ever actually get away from his parents' clutches.

What if he _did_ dream the whole escape to Osaka? What if he's just spent so much time alone in his room that he imagined meeting Tetsuya?

It could be.

It really could be that way but Akashi wants to believe it was real. That way he has hope of someone waiting for him out there, someone missing him as much as he misses Tetsuya, whether he's real or not.

Then again, if it all turns out to have been only his imagination, he might as well just spend the rest of his life in a mental institution.

Or die young; whichever works just fine for him.

* * *

It's boring. Akashi's parents have hired a tutor for him so every day is filled with studying, studying and some more studying. Or at least the guy's supposed to be a tutor but really what he's doing is making sure Akashi doesn't try to run away or hurt himself.

As if he would do anything like that. At least not before he's found a way to verify Tetsuya's existence.

He's barely listening when his tutor tells him that they're done for the day. The man leaves, locking the door after himself.

Finally some time alone to think. Or maybe not, he's actually feeling really tired.

Akashi throws himself on the bed, intending to just try to sleep. Something hard in his pocket, however, distracts him. He never keeps anything in there so what on earth -

Wait. It couldn't be the phone Tetsuya bought him?

Akashi sits up and reaches into his pocket, his fingers trembling slightly. Just the prospect of being able to get in touch with Tetsuya, to hear his voice, gives him strength.

And there it is, the proof that he really did meet Tetsuya and not just dream it: the phone with Tetsuya's number saved on it.

Akashi holds the device in his hand, still a bit incredulous. How could it be there? Surely his parents would have done a body check on him and found it? And how didn't he find it earlier himself? But if it isn't the phone Tetsuya gave him, how could it have got into his pocket?

Just to make absolutely sure, Akashi opens the list of contacts. There's only one name saved in there.

Kuroko Tetsuya.

For a moment, all he can do is stare at the name. It's really there, in neat writing, and all he has to do to hear Tetsuya's voice again is make a call. So that's exactly what he does.

Akashi notices his hand is shaking as he presses call and brings the phone to his ear.

_Please, please pick up…_

His heart beats way too quickly. Time passes, the line beeps, and Tetsuya won't pick up. Maybe he's sleeping? Or maybe he's out somewhere and can't hear his phone ringing? Whatever, as long as Akashi eventually gets to talk with Tetsuya it'll be fine.

After what feels like an eternity, the call finally gets answered.

"…hello?" Tetsuya's voice is shaky and unsure.

It hasn't been that long since they were separated, only a couple of days, but Akashi is flooded with emotions. He wants to be right next to Tetsuya, see the expressions the bluenette makes, feel the warmth of his body – he doesn't care what they are to each other, he just wants to be with Tetsuya again.

He wants to convey all these emotions, but somehow the words get stuck in his throat and all he can do is offer a stiff greeting that makes him want to die. "Hello, Tetsuya."

"Is it… is it really you, Akashi-kun?"

"Yes, it is. I'm sorry I haven't called earlier, I just found the phone. I've missed you, Tetsuya."

Tetsuya gulps loudly. "Me too, but – Akashi-kun, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry…"

"You've done nothing to apologise for, Tetsuya."

"But I was your only hope to escape from your parents, right?" Tetsuya draws a shaky breath and Akashi can almost see the way he fights against the tears that threaten to fall. "I really wanted to help you. I'm so sorry…"

The line fills with Tetsuya's quiet sobbing. Akashi racks his mind, desperate to find something comforting to say, but comes up with nothing as some part of his brain registers footsteps approaching the door.

"Tetsuya, don't cry…" Wait. _Footsteps?_ "I have to go, I'm sorry…!" Akashi ends the call and slips the phone under his pillow with astonishing speed.

"Seijuurou? Are you talking to someone?" Akashi makes a face at the door before answering.

"How could that be, mother? I'm all alone." _Just like I've always been._

"All right then. Remember to go to bed early, you need energy to study tomorrow."

"Yes of course, thank you for reminding me," Akashi replies in a monotone, not really even listening anymore. All he wants to do is to talk with Tetsuya and his mother is obviously preventing him from doing that.

_(Why does it have to be so difficult? If only I could get out…)_

He waits until she's gone before taking the phone out again.

_Sorry, I can't talk anymore, my parents will hear. I'll call you again when they're not home._

Akashi lies back on the bed and closes his eyes. Their conversation was cut short and that annoys him. But at least now he knows he's not crazy._ No matter what it takes, I'll break free from this place. I owe it to you, Tetsuya._

* * *

Akashi calls Tetsuya again the following day.

And the one after that.

Just like when they were together in Osaka, they talk about the most irrelevant things, never daring to address the fact that Akashi currently has no way of getting out.

"Oh, by the way, Tetsuya. Did you know someone moved into your previous flat?"

"No, but it's not really any of my business."

"It's not that interesting to me either. I just spend so much time in my room with nothing to do, I start paying attention to the smallest details. Besides, I can see right into the room that used to be yours, remember?" Akashi smiles with a bittersweet sting of nostalgia tugging at his chest.

"If it weren't for that, we would never have met," Tetsuya replies after a moment's hesitation.

"Right…" A comfortable silence falls between the two.

"Akashi-kun."

"What is it, Tetsuya?"

"We're friends, right?"

"Yes, we are."

"…thank you…"

* * *

"Akashi-kun, I'll be in Tokyo tomorrow," is the first thing Tetsuya says when Akashi calls him. The bluenette's voice sounds weak but there's still the hint of a smile. Akashi smiles too, although he feels bitter. Tetsuya's clearly gaining freedom, commuting between Tokyo and Osaka, getting to choose the school he's applying to, while Akashi can't even leave his room when he wants to.

To be honest, he's a bit jealous. But that's something he'll never tell.

"How nice. Could you maybe walk by your old house? I could see you that way."

"I wish you were here, Akashi-kun…" The way Tetsuya's voice cracks in the middle of the sentence breaks Akashi's heart.

How could he be jealous of someone who's in just as much pain as he is?

_Me too…_ "Don't worry, I'll find a way to get out. I did promise I wouldn't leave you alone, right?"

As Tetsuya tries to find his voice, Akashi stands up and walks to the window. The window sill is cold and rather uncomfortable but he settles there nonetheless, pressing his head against the window. It's raining and he can't clearly see to the other side of the street.

Not that there would be anything worth seeing anyway.

"I don't care whether we're friends or something else, I just want to see you." The glass is cold against his forehead. "Tetsuya… don't give up, okay?"

Tetsuya cries into the phone again.

* * *

**A/N: **I DID IT an update yoooooooooooooooooooooo I think I'm gonna lose my mind writing this, it's fun but it's also so angsty… nevertheless, I'm really grateful for all the feedback and support ;u; aahhhh I think I can die happy now since my story made someone cry and yeah just you guys are too good to me ;A; (Evan the socially awkward creature strikes again pfft)

Oh and to the people who are waiting for Akashi to fall for Kuroko: I really like the idea of Akashi being aromantic and asexual, it just really fits him imo. Buuut I also like the idea of Kuroko being his only exception so have patience while I try my best to steer the two towards something even remotely happy of an ending. :''D

This chapter was not supposed to be so dialogue heavy, quite the opposite actually? Whaaat seriously I have no fucking idea what's going on half the time when I'm writing ahahhaahah

Also since this story is probably gonna reach 10 000(! You guys have no idea how big of a deal this is for me omfg) views after this chapter, I was thinking I could write a little extra chapter to celebrate. We shall see how it turns out but I'm planning for it to be rated M B) (I suck at smut tho so please bear with me if it's absolutely horrible /hides in a corner as a precaution)

Btw, don't ever listen to Den romantiske tragedien by Kaizers Orchestra while writing, it'll make you write depressing shit ahafbafbjasjksvsdha


End file.
